Self injuring behavior
In a previous entry I mentioned about self-injury. I said I would talk about it in the future. I decided to talk about it today. There are a lot of people who self-injure. Some people consider people who get tatoos be self injurers. I am not going to judge.
Right now I am talking about people who cut, burn themselves, or other behaviors like that. I used to cut. I have multiple scars on my body from my cutting. It has been since Dec 04 since I cut the last time. I doubt I will ever cut again. I believe I have gained control over that part of myself.
Even as a small child I would do things to hurt myself. It was a way to release the emotional pain I felt inside. I hurt inside so much there was no other way to get rid of the pain.
Later I turned to drinking. I became an alcoholic. I almost died from alcohol poisoning in nine short months of drinking.
Thanks to God and a recovery program, I don’t have to drink again, one day at a time. I have six years clean.
I have tried many things to get rid of the pain inside. Thankfully now, I have worked through my issues with a wonderful counselor and some hard work. I journal daily.
If you self-injure, there is a way to stop – one day at a time. You can break the cycle. I have and so have others.
First thing you have to do is admit you have a problem. And you have to want to stop. It is not easy. When you self-injure, you release endorphins in your body that produces a emotional high just like you take a drug. It is like a runner’s high also. That is why self-injuring can be addicting. And hard to stop. But it is possible. If you want to.
Two things you can do to help you stop right now is when you want to hurt yourself, take a rubber band and put it around your wrist. Then pop it. It hurts. It is still hurting yourself, but you are not cutting or burning. It is much safer.
Another thing to do is to take an ice cube and rub it on your bare leg. The cold will burn. It will hurt. Again, much safer than burning or cutting yourself. No marks.
Baby steps towards the behavior of not hurting yourself at all. That is what recovery is. Baby steps.
I would cut myself with glass. One day I threw my glass I had saved to cut away. I knew I was better. Then one day something broke. I didn’t even think of saving a single piece of glass for the chance to cut later. I knew I was healed from that part of the illness.
It took a while. But it is worth it. I am worth it. I will have more on self-injuring next time. I have a book I want to tell you about that really helped me.
You can stop. One day at a time.
May 13, 2010 @ 9:46 pm
Thank you for sharing. I feel like I have not gone too far in self injury but even the tiny size of the marks that look like paper cuts is something to be dealt with. While it has been a year or so, it still is hard. Thanks for encouraging words.