I have talked of this topic before. I am going to talk of it again.
I lost my best friend the night before last because of cutting. She was cutting on her ankle and nicked a main artery in her leg. She bled to death.
As I have said before, I know the deep intense emotional pain that causes self-injuring behavior. I have felt it before. I used to be a cutter myself. I have the scars on my body to tell the story.
But my scars are old. I haven’t cut in four years. I have won the battle over that terrible habit. If you are into self-injuring behavior, please get the book “The Scarred Soul” and read it. Read it several times. It will lead you to victory in getting over the SI behavior.
SI is addicting because when you hurt yourself you are releasing endorphines in your body that makes you feel no pain. Makes you feel good. You get hooked to these hormones that are released. But there are other ways to get the same hormones. Exercise is one.
Most people have a ritual they follow when they are going to SI. One of the first steps in breaking the habit is to break the ritual. I had to get rid of the glass I had. I would only cut with glass. Nothing else. I eventually got to the point where I wouldn’t even save glass when something broke around the house. I knew then I was cured of cutting.
Tell your loved ones that you are wanting to break the habit of SI. They will support you. Break the secret of the habit. Break the ritual. Then, when you are hurting so much inside you feel like you are going to burst, do something different – go for a walk, scream, dance, go bike riding, call someone, journal your feelings. I know journaling has saved my sanity many times. I journaled a lot last night about losing my friend to this terrible disease of mental illness.
Above all, be kind to yourself. Keep trying. You can break the habit. Success can come. Get some counseling if possible. If not, find a good friend you can talk to about anything. And talk, talk, talk. Let it all out.
Most of the time, when people SI, they are not trying to commit suicide. They just want release from the pain. But death does happen sometimes. It happened to my friend.
She was very sick. So many people tried to help her. She kept refusing help. I wanted recovery for her like I had found for myself. I had brought her out to live near where I was living so she could get the services she needed. She started refusing the services. She started sinking fast. She had some physical problems too. Probably cancer of the stomach. She had lost a lot of weight in the last few months.
I loved her very much. We were closer than sisters. She was the first person I met when I moved north.
I will miss her.
If I can write about her death and help one person to stop self-injuring, then her death will not be in vain. If you SI, please get help. You can stop. I did. Thousands of others have also.
You can do it – one day at a time.