I wanted to talk about relationships today. One of the problems that borderlines have are dealing with relationships. We tend to have unstable personal relationships. In fact, that is one of the indentifying characteristics of borderline.
I have had my problem with relationships in the past. I wouldn’t work at them. I kept everyone at a distant. It was like a brick wall was there between me and everyone else. I would let everyone only so close and that was that.
In personal relationships, I would leave before you left me. I did not invest myself in the other person.
I had many abandonment issues because of childhood happenings. It is something that I had to work through many hours with a therapist. It is something that I still get the urge to leave, though, thankfully, that urge is only a whisper these days.
Today, in recovery, I do very well. The walls have almost come totally down. I share myself with friends. I allow myself to be vulnerable with others.
This is not easy at all. In fact, it is very difficult at times. Sometimes it backfires and I get hurt. That is life. I don’t crawl back into my shell. There has been too many rewards to revert to my old behavior now. It is well worth the effort.
Now, I am in a relationship that I work on. I have stayed on through the urges to leave for no reason. The relationship is good. I have become a more complete person on my own. Therefore, I am able to meet another person in a healthy partnership.
We allow each other to grow as individuals. And we grow as a couple. We accept each other’s faults and all. We sure don’t expect the other to be perfect.
God has really blessed me at this point in my life. I never expected to find anyone.
There have been many trials in the past almost three years. His health isn’t the greatest. It is improving though. No hospital stays in the last nine months.
In a true relationship, you accept the good and the bad. You compromise on some issues. You talk things through.
Then, when on Valentine’s Day, you hear him ask you to listen to John Denver’s song “Love Again” and hear him say that is how he feels about you, you realize…it is all worth it. And you don’t give up.